"Oh Conor dearest, what does that have to do with your story?"
Stop interrupting me, first of all, secondly it has a lot to do with my story. I don't trust mystical experiences, and I certainly have an extremely hard time trusting any person online who claims to be in divine communion with and regularly speak to God X or Y in plain English, especially if it is a God I worship. I demand proof, and it is simple to provide proof when I worship the God or Goddess on a regular basis "Name a deal I made with them" I may ask, or I may request some other piece of knowledge that would only be between that God and I. I'm highly distrustful of mystics. I've had deeply emotional experiences with Gods, yes, I have wept during offerings before. Did the God or Goddess make me weep? Not at all, feelings of extreme reverence and awe made me weep. The most I've had was dizzy spells and the general feelings of presence of specific Gods.
Also, in case you missed it, I distrust mystics.
That may be part of the reason why the Gods communicate (when they do at all) with only what I can describe as stirrings in my heart. Things which bubble from the deep and are brought forth. That is the clearest I get usually. Even then, at times, there are certain situations which call for more concrete 'answers'. I have found that at these times, birds give me those answers.
That is where the story begins.
September was nearing its end
I had recently broken up with a guy I had been dating for several months. We had been seeing each other every weekend practically, I helped him move, I helped his buddy move, I even crashed at his place for a week when I was waiting to move into my house. It was wonderful, then one day, inexplicably and suddenly, he dumped me. By text message. That was. . .hard to say the least, and I took it hard. I was upset, I prayed to Aphrodite, I asked her, why did this happen to me? Why does she dislike me so much? I got no response. Nothing welled up inside me, nadda, zilch. I was disappointed, and hurt. I felt like I had no one there for real support, and I felt like I didn't have much in terms of comfort.
A couple days later, I was sitting outside, minding my business, when I suddenly noticed a folk of sparrows cavorting in the bushes. I watched them a while, and then fed them a bit of my muffin that I had been eating. Immediately, they lunged for the chunks, fighting and squabbling with each other over it. Each trying to get their piece. One hopped up near me to get hers, and I gave it, then she flew away. The next day, I did the same, and the next day I did the same. After a few days, something clicked, and I realized that I need to watch the birds, so I did.
Sparrows are marvelous little birds. They look cute, but they can and will gladly attack one another for a few scraps of food. They could perch on the brick walls and they would, then when they decided the threat was gone they'd go back to their little bush area. Frequently though, they'd hop forwards towards me, we'd make eye contact (or at least I thought we were) and then they'd fly away. It was strange, I connected with the little birds that way. I was confused though, at the time, I was bitter, and hurt, and angry because of my ex. I was confident that Aphrodite would have no part in that, so I looked up other Gods and Goddesses, and found nothing that matched better. After doing this for about a week, I would have my answer.
After my daily routine of staring at the sparrows while I ate lunch, I headed home for the day. It was a nice day, so I had my blinds open and was cleaning up my room, when suddenly I heard a slight tap-tap-tapping on my window. I looked, and there was this little sparrow just standing there. I looked at it, and it looked at me, and for a brief moment I understood. Everything would be fine, things would work in their course. Aphrodite had my best interests at heart. Stop worrying, let go.
It was a strange epiphany.
The bird flew away and never came back, but I had finally gotten the answer to my question. Aphrodite held no disdain for me, she was simply working in her order and her way, and that was a good enough answer for me. In the loss of lovers, I have lessons to learn. Things that are being taught to me, the pain had a purpose. I behaved foolishly in ever starting the relationship, because all signs pointed towards the end result, but I kept the rose-colored glasses on. I learned that you cannot ignore the signs of arrogance and selfishness. I learned a lot.
A short time after this, I went on another date. The first guy I gave a chance after Mr. Text-Message break-up. We have been together since mid-October. I'm grateful for him in my life. I have no worries other than being the best boyfriend I can be. What Aphrodite wills, will be.
I only need look at a sparrow to be reminded of this.
|By Kitty Terwolbeck|