Today a joy swells in my breast. A sudden, beautiful joy that rolls and boils, like a convection current, it rises, and it falls slightly, and rises again. This cycle continues again, and again, and again. It will not stop. What has caused this?
A few things
There are a wonderful group of kids that I get to well, sort of teach, I guess, I just ask them questions mainly, I don't have to handle the curriculum. At any rate today they were selling shirts, and we joked around and talked, I placed an order for their shirt. They were working together so they could go on a trip for the Youth Group, and let me tell you, seeing those kids working together like that made me happy.
A woman was moved by me telling her of my dad's improving social conditions and of him finally getting a car. She was genuinely happy for him, so much so that she teared up a little bit. That moved me, and made me feel joy knowing that there are people who can rejoice in other people's joy like that. That made me happy.
A new family came to the UU Church today, a wonderful and gregarious Jewish woman. We talked for a while at some length, we smile, joked, and I asked her about Judaism. She invited me over for Sabbath Dinner sometime, and that, well that made me happy that someone would be so readily hospitable.
Reverend Pamela Watt and the intern Scottie MacIntyre Johnson gave a wonderful sermon today about overcoming the little challenges of life, and she helped even me relate to the story of Jesus's Resurrection. She showed me (and everyone else in attendance) about how it can be used as a jumping off point for behaving more kindly towards our fellows, and overcoming things that seem impossible to face sometimes. It touched me, it moved me, and it brought me joy.
Most of all though, I am happy knowing that if I walk for about two minutes, I can be at the Denton Unitarian Universalist Foundation. It makes me so happy to know that I am part of such a wonderful, beautiful, diverse, and vibrant group of people, and knowing that, that brings me more joy than I can possibly describe.
Sunday, March 31, 2013
Friday, March 29, 2013
The Theology of Conor: Benevolence
Are the Gods Good? Are they Bad? I sure as hell don't know, but I can tell you what I believe.
Firstly, and most importantly, I believe the Gods have flaws, their own ambitions and interests, and their own plans. They have their own reasons for doing what they do that exceeds what we mortals can now. They are also not omniscient, and don't know for certain what is going to happen in the future, though I feel that their educated guesses have a far better chance of being accurate than ours do. Again though, I reiterate that we should not confuse this improved accuracy (mostly due to their superior insight and wisdom due to being around for such a long time) with omniscience.
The fact that they aren't omniscient means that the Gods can and do make mistakes, and the fact that they aren't all powerful means that they can't just snap their fingers and fix things. If they make a mistake, they make a mistake and we suffer the consequences.
Following from this, most (but I don't think all) Gods feel benevolence towards their worshipers, and neutrality towards those who do not, in fact, worship them (mostly, anyway). Gods bestow their blessings as they see fit, and do not invoke their wrath among people for petty reasons. A God may curse a mortal for impious acts, and behave wrathfully towards a human for any number of things including general impiety, extreme hubris, oath-breaking, and murder. General behaviors which are displeasing to a God (but which aren't 'wrath' worthy) will not invoke wrath from the deity, but rather simply cause them to cease blessing the mortal and will cause them to revoke their protection from the mortal (and possibly his or her children as well). Deities also may set-up situations which are intended to test the mortal and make them stronger or groom them for a purpose that the God has in mind. These situations are not meant to punish, but rather make the person into a stronger human being for whatever purpose. Moving on from this, we have to ask ourselves, how do we figure out which is which? How do you figure out if your conduct is just poor or if you've actually elicited the wrath of a deity? Simply put, divination. While we may be tempted to simply sit and try to commune with the God in question, sometimes our own desires and what we want to hear can get in the way of what we should be hearing. We then stumble upon divination as the most objective way to get our answer, though if you have the capability to commune and divine, I would suggest a combination of the two.
All this in mind, I think the vast majority of Gods feel benevolent towards their worshipers and neutral about their non-worshipers(unless they wrong a devotee of theirs), does that make them good or evil? Well, no, no more than me feeling benevolent towards dogs makes me an intrinsically good or evil person. Good or evil becomes a matter of the person describing the God and not a matter of the God himself. A person seeing me as good or evil does not make me good or evil. Some people think I'm evil simply on account of being gay, for example, but that doesn't make it so. Thus, I find talking about the Immortals being 'good' or 'evil' to be useless, rather, lets talk about the benevolence, malevolence, or general nature of a God towards their worshipers.
Firstly, and most importantly, I believe the Gods have flaws, their own ambitions and interests, and their own plans. They have their own reasons for doing what they do that exceeds what we mortals can now. They are also not omniscient, and don't know for certain what is going to happen in the future, though I feel that their educated guesses have a far better chance of being accurate than ours do. Again though, I reiterate that we should not confuse this improved accuracy (mostly due to their superior insight and wisdom due to being around for such a long time) with omniscience.
The fact that they aren't omniscient means that the Gods can and do make mistakes, and the fact that they aren't all powerful means that they can't just snap their fingers and fix things. If they make a mistake, they make a mistake and we suffer the consequences.
Following from this, most (but I don't think all) Gods feel benevolence towards their worshipers, and neutrality towards those who do not, in fact, worship them (mostly, anyway). Gods bestow their blessings as they see fit, and do not invoke their wrath among people for petty reasons. A God may curse a mortal for impious acts, and behave wrathfully towards a human for any number of things including general impiety, extreme hubris, oath-breaking, and murder. General behaviors which are displeasing to a God (but which aren't 'wrath' worthy) will not invoke wrath from the deity, but rather simply cause them to cease blessing the mortal and will cause them to revoke their protection from the mortal (and possibly his or her children as well). Deities also may set-up situations which are intended to test the mortal and make them stronger or groom them for a purpose that the God has in mind. These situations are not meant to punish, but rather make the person into a stronger human being for whatever purpose. Moving on from this, we have to ask ourselves, how do we figure out which is which? How do you figure out if your conduct is just poor or if you've actually elicited the wrath of a deity? Simply put, divination. While we may be tempted to simply sit and try to commune with the God in question, sometimes our own desires and what we want to hear can get in the way of what we should be hearing. We then stumble upon divination as the most objective way to get our answer, though if you have the capability to commune and divine, I would suggest a combination of the two.
All this in mind, I think the vast majority of Gods feel benevolent towards their worshipers and neutral about their non-worshipers(unless they wrong a devotee of theirs), does that make them good or evil? Well, no, no more than me feeling benevolent towards dogs makes me an intrinsically good or evil person. Good or evil becomes a matter of the person describing the God and not a matter of the God himself. A person seeing me as good or evil does not make me good or evil. Some people think I'm evil simply on account of being gay, for example, but that doesn't make it so. Thus, I find talking about the Immortals being 'good' or 'evil' to be useless, rather, lets talk about the benevolence, malevolence, or general nature of a God towards their worshipers.
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| Amaterasu leaving the cave, source: Wikipedia |
Thursday, March 28, 2013
S**t
So, now, I'm starting to suspect that that Dog-God and Divine Bitch which have been plaguing my dreams (I took a nap and had another dream about them) are both actual, somethings. Gods or daimons or spirits or SOMETHING that exist and have some associations or are highly concerned with wolves or canines. I don't have a clue what they are or how they are, all I know is that they are. Maybe I need to propitiate them. I don't know.
Bad Dreams
I've been having bad dreams lately.
Mind you, I have several dreams a night, but for about a week now one of those dreams has always involved one of two characters. Now, they don't actually have names, but I've given them names.
The first character is Dog-God. He isn't a gentle, happy, friendly dog. He is the God of Dogs, he is ferocious, he is terrifying and territorial and defensive, but he can be gentle and kind too. He is very ancient, and very protective of his charges. He may appear as a wolf or a dog of any sort. The other character is the Divine-Bitch, she is the consort of Dog-God. She, like he, can appear as a wolf or dog and carries many of the same traits. Sometimes she has pups with her, sometimes she doesn't.
I've been having reoccuring dreams about these two characters. Unpleasant dreams usually. I'm being chased and hunted down by them, or I'm in a position where I have to fight them off. They are ferocious, and terrifying in all of their grandeur, and it is seriously messing up my sleeping habits. I keep tossing and turning (at least, if the state of my covers is any indicator), waking up just before these Divine Canines snap me into two pieces.
The dreams involving them aren't always bad though, for example, in one dream Dog-God brought back to life my Chihuahua that has been dead for several years. That was a pleasant dream.
Mostly though, they are unpleasant, and wholly because it is causing my sleep to be unrestful.
Mind you, I have several dreams a night, but for about a week now one of those dreams has always involved one of two characters. Now, they don't actually have names, but I've given them names.
The first character is Dog-God. He isn't a gentle, happy, friendly dog. He is the God of Dogs, he is ferocious, he is terrifying and territorial and defensive, but he can be gentle and kind too. He is very ancient, and very protective of his charges. He may appear as a wolf or a dog of any sort. The other character is the Divine-Bitch, she is the consort of Dog-God. She, like he, can appear as a wolf or dog and carries many of the same traits. Sometimes she has pups with her, sometimes she doesn't.
I've been having reoccuring dreams about these two characters. Unpleasant dreams usually. I'm being chased and hunted down by them, or I'm in a position where I have to fight them off. They are ferocious, and terrifying in all of their grandeur, and it is seriously messing up my sleeping habits. I keep tossing and turning (at least, if the state of my covers is any indicator), waking up just before these Divine Canines snap me into two pieces.
The dreams involving them aren't always bad though, for example, in one dream Dog-God brought back to life my Chihuahua that has been dead for several years. That was a pleasant dream.
Mostly though, they are unpleasant, and wholly because it is causing my sleep to be unrestful.
Tuesday, March 26, 2013
Saturday, March 23, 2013
The Cosmogony of Conor
IN THE BEGINNING, THERE WAS NAUGHT BUT THE UNFATHOMABLE
The Unfathomable neither existed or was non-existent. It preceded the Universe, and will return when Existence is no more. The Unfathomable cannot exist within time or space and is far removed from the universe. Where reality has not been created, there resides the Unfathomable. It is neither conscious, real, fake, knowing or unknowing. The Unfathomable is. It remains when all else has ceased, and it disappears when time and space begins.
From the Unfathomable sprang our Universe, which started at the Big Bang, which was the destruction of the Unfathomable. Arising from this Big Bang were the first two Gods, Order and Chaos. Order reigned supreme, slowly shaping the Universe by its laws, but Chaos too had its use. Under the watchful eye of Order, Chaos shaped debris into planets and stars, galaxies, comets, asteroids. All things which came to be, came to be by the union of Order and Chaos. Order and Chaos enjoyed what they had set in motion, but they were tired, and had put the whole of themselves into their creation. They soaked into the Universe in restful peace.
After the Big Bang, but some time after Order and Chaos took rule, came countless Immortals. The Immortals wandered the Universe, having no purpose yet, simply being. They were young, and foolish, unfit to rule yet, but they observed. They watched Chaos and Order create, they watched them grow weak, and they saw them go to sleep. From this the Immortals understood the nature of things, what has grown conscious, must grow unconscious. What was will always be, but it will not be what it always was. The Immortals were content with this knowledge, and looked to the Universe for purpose, having in their observations become worthy to take charge.
As the stars and some planets formed, a few Immortals found their purpose. Some shared the stars and planets, knowing full well that one day, these would fade and once again they would have to seek purpose. Our star is shared by Sunna, and Helios, Amaterasu and Ra, and many others. Our planet is shared by Gaea and Danu, Terra Mater and Yhi and many others. To every planet an Immortal, or many Immortals, took solace and pride, to every star, an Immortal or many Immortals, took care and duty. In this way some Gods found purpose, but many were left without.
AS LIFE BEGAN TO ARISE FROM THE HEARTBEAT OF ORDER AND CHAOS, MANY GODS FOUND PLACE AND PURPOSE
As time passed and Order and Chaos did their work in slumber, planets began to change. On them came weather and water, and in these things some Immortals found their place. After much time, there began to arise complex molecules, and then from there came life. Life beget other life, but at the same time destroyed other life, in this way life mimics the primordial Order and Chaos. As life grew and evolved more Immortals began to take interest. Those Immortals with an affinity for the Seas and Oceans delighted in the fish that swam in their realms, and many took them under their care and influence, and other Immortals took delight in the bacteria and virus, and in them found their place. Other Immortals delighted in the plants which began to creep upon the Earth and which existed in the depths of the oceans and in these things some Immortals found their place. As more varieties of life began to arise, more Immortals found their place. Some found their place in the beasts themselves, and others found their place in the actions and interactions of these beasts. Some even delighted in the diseases which happened, some delighted in the aggression of life, and others in their procreation. For almost every function of life some Immortal found their place and purpose.
As time went on, some Immortals took interest in other things, and thus began to have several domains. There was little conflict in this, the Immortals had no quarrels about sharing, for they had no motivation not to share. The whole of creation delighted them, and even far from our planet, other Immortals found their place on other planets, which contain creatures and things we cannot know, and Immortals who we will never know.
WITH THE ADVENT OF MAN, WORSHIP ENSUED.
One day, after billions of years after the springing of Order and Chaos, things which could die took notice of that which could not. They gave offerings and sung to the Immortals, giving them names and asking for them to help. Some Immortals delighted in this, and vowed the protection and support of these creatures. As they were worshiped, they found a joy and happiness, and in this joy they found more strength. The learned these creatures were called man. Different men called the Immortals by different names, and as such some immortals may answer to many names, and some to one, and others to none at all for they took no interest in men, and thus men took no interest in them. Man made requests to the Immortals, and the Immortals fulfilled them as best they could, whenever they felt compelled. They took note of what the mortals did, and what it meant to them. Offerings and libations delighted them, and in this delight they grew stronger. Things which showed devotion delighted them and so they grew stronger, and in this dynamic the Immortals and Man formed their eternally reciprocal relationship.
As man developed, other Immortals found their delight in governing and influencing their crafts, their emotions, their loves, their desires. Some sought to be the fire which brought to fullness the inkling of concepts man had begun to have. Things like Justice and Victory and Hope and Honor. Some Immortals found their place in the many activities of man, things like War, and Farming, others found their place in the states of man, like Inebriation and Rage. Few Immortals relegated themselves to one domain only, but in this the Immortals found no conflict.
Specific groups of Immortals may have been heavily worshiped by a certain group of people, thus these Gods had to work together extensively to fulfill their requests. The Immortals inspired Man with inklings of stories so that their cooperation would be known, among their other natures. Some Immortals cooperated with many groups, others with one. In this cooperation and desire to delight men and delight in them, the Immortals sometimes found conflict. These conflicts were not met with violence among Immortals, but were met with negotiations and compromise. Some Immortals swayed others by retaliating against their worshipers and making their lives miserable, but this was a final resort. As man grew and developed, so did the number of Immortals attracted to him. The Immortals guided him, helped him, and he in turn developed rules of worship so that he could approach the Immortals with a pure heart and spirit.
While the Immortals did delight in being worshiped, and while this delight did strengthen them, they agreed that a worshiper forced into worshiping was not a delight at all, and thus the Immortals agreed that none of them will seek to steal the worshipers of the other, but rather let the hearts and minds of men come as they will.
THE LIFE OF MAN COULD BE HARSH AND SHORT. FOR THIS THE IMMORTALS PITIED HIM
Man, unlike the Immortals could not live forever. If hunger, disease, war, nature, or other harsh things did not take his life, time eventually would. The Immortals of Death delighted at first, in receiving the spirits of men as companions. They, however, began to pity him and his plight, and thus conspired together on what should be done. Those who govern death decided that men would have options in death. They decided that man could be sent back to Earth to be born into a new body, and some did choose this, and thus man discovered reincarnation. They decided that man could exist on Earth with his family, and thus man discovered ancestral spirits. They decided that man could take a rest in the Underworld before making a decision, thus man came to know of this realm and these Gods. Finally, they decided that especially virtuous men and women may become Immortals in their own right, if the Immortals so choose but this must be agreed upon by all the Immortals. In this, man found some comfort.
FROM THESE THINGS BEGIN OTHER STORIES
The Unfathomable neither existed or was non-existent. It preceded the Universe, and will return when Existence is no more. The Unfathomable cannot exist within time or space and is far removed from the universe. Where reality has not been created, there resides the Unfathomable. It is neither conscious, real, fake, knowing or unknowing. The Unfathomable is. It remains when all else has ceased, and it disappears when time and space begins.
From the Unfathomable sprang our Universe, which started at the Big Bang, which was the destruction of the Unfathomable. Arising from this Big Bang were the first two Gods, Order and Chaos. Order reigned supreme, slowly shaping the Universe by its laws, but Chaos too had its use. Under the watchful eye of Order, Chaos shaped debris into planets and stars, galaxies, comets, asteroids. All things which came to be, came to be by the union of Order and Chaos. Order and Chaos enjoyed what they had set in motion, but they were tired, and had put the whole of themselves into their creation. They soaked into the Universe in restful peace.
After the Big Bang, but some time after Order and Chaos took rule, came countless Immortals. The Immortals wandered the Universe, having no purpose yet, simply being. They were young, and foolish, unfit to rule yet, but they observed. They watched Chaos and Order create, they watched them grow weak, and they saw them go to sleep. From this the Immortals understood the nature of things, what has grown conscious, must grow unconscious. What was will always be, but it will not be what it always was. The Immortals were content with this knowledge, and looked to the Universe for purpose, having in their observations become worthy to take charge.
As the stars and some planets formed, a few Immortals found their purpose. Some shared the stars and planets, knowing full well that one day, these would fade and once again they would have to seek purpose. Our star is shared by Sunna, and Helios, Amaterasu and Ra, and many others. Our planet is shared by Gaea and Danu, Terra Mater and Yhi and many others. To every planet an Immortal, or many Immortals, took solace and pride, to every star, an Immortal or many Immortals, took care and duty. In this way some Gods found purpose, but many were left without.
AS LIFE BEGAN TO ARISE FROM THE HEARTBEAT OF ORDER AND CHAOS, MANY GODS FOUND PLACE AND PURPOSE
As time passed and Order and Chaos did their work in slumber, planets began to change. On them came weather and water, and in these things some Immortals found their place. After much time, there began to arise complex molecules, and then from there came life. Life beget other life, but at the same time destroyed other life, in this way life mimics the primordial Order and Chaos. As life grew and evolved more Immortals began to take interest. Those Immortals with an affinity for the Seas and Oceans delighted in the fish that swam in their realms, and many took them under their care and influence, and other Immortals took delight in the bacteria and virus, and in them found their place. Other Immortals delighted in the plants which began to creep upon the Earth and which existed in the depths of the oceans and in these things some Immortals found their place. As more varieties of life began to arise, more Immortals found their place. Some found their place in the beasts themselves, and others found their place in the actions and interactions of these beasts. Some even delighted in the diseases which happened, some delighted in the aggression of life, and others in their procreation. For almost every function of life some Immortal found their place and purpose.
As time went on, some Immortals took interest in other things, and thus began to have several domains. There was little conflict in this, the Immortals had no quarrels about sharing, for they had no motivation not to share. The whole of creation delighted them, and even far from our planet, other Immortals found their place on other planets, which contain creatures and things we cannot know, and Immortals who we will never know.
WITH THE ADVENT OF MAN, WORSHIP ENSUED.
One day, after billions of years after the springing of Order and Chaos, things which could die took notice of that which could not. They gave offerings and sung to the Immortals, giving them names and asking for them to help. Some Immortals delighted in this, and vowed the protection and support of these creatures. As they were worshiped, they found a joy and happiness, and in this joy they found more strength. The learned these creatures were called man. Different men called the Immortals by different names, and as such some immortals may answer to many names, and some to one, and others to none at all for they took no interest in men, and thus men took no interest in them. Man made requests to the Immortals, and the Immortals fulfilled them as best they could, whenever they felt compelled. They took note of what the mortals did, and what it meant to them. Offerings and libations delighted them, and in this delight they grew stronger. Things which showed devotion delighted them and so they grew stronger, and in this dynamic the Immortals and Man formed their eternally reciprocal relationship.
As man developed, other Immortals found their delight in governing and influencing their crafts, their emotions, their loves, their desires. Some sought to be the fire which brought to fullness the inkling of concepts man had begun to have. Things like Justice and Victory and Hope and Honor. Some Immortals found their place in the many activities of man, things like War, and Farming, others found their place in the states of man, like Inebriation and Rage. Few Immortals relegated themselves to one domain only, but in this the Immortals found no conflict.
Specific groups of Immortals may have been heavily worshiped by a certain group of people, thus these Gods had to work together extensively to fulfill their requests. The Immortals inspired Man with inklings of stories so that their cooperation would be known, among their other natures. Some Immortals cooperated with many groups, others with one. In this cooperation and desire to delight men and delight in them, the Immortals sometimes found conflict. These conflicts were not met with violence among Immortals, but were met with negotiations and compromise. Some Immortals swayed others by retaliating against their worshipers and making their lives miserable, but this was a final resort. As man grew and developed, so did the number of Immortals attracted to him. The Immortals guided him, helped him, and he in turn developed rules of worship so that he could approach the Immortals with a pure heart and spirit.
While the Immortals did delight in being worshiped, and while this delight did strengthen them, they agreed that a worshiper forced into worshiping was not a delight at all, and thus the Immortals agreed that none of them will seek to steal the worshipers of the other, but rather let the hearts and minds of men come as they will.
THE LIFE OF MAN COULD BE HARSH AND SHORT. FOR THIS THE IMMORTALS PITIED HIM
Man, unlike the Immortals could not live forever. If hunger, disease, war, nature, or other harsh things did not take his life, time eventually would. The Immortals of Death delighted at first, in receiving the spirits of men as companions. They, however, began to pity him and his plight, and thus conspired together on what should be done. Those who govern death decided that men would have options in death. They decided that man could be sent back to Earth to be born into a new body, and some did choose this, and thus man discovered reincarnation. They decided that man could exist on Earth with his family, and thus man discovered ancestral spirits. They decided that man could take a rest in the Underworld before making a decision, thus man came to know of this realm and these Gods. Finally, they decided that especially virtuous men and women may become Immortals in their own right, if the Immortals so choose but this must be agreed upon by all the Immortals. In this, man found some comfort.
FROM THESE THINGS BEGIN OTHER STORIES
Friday, March 22, 2013
Late Night (Poetry)
Half-formed sentences roll off my lips
A deep breath, a gasp
Pleasure, a pause
Rolling in the darkness of late night
My hands trail along your skin, smooth
Except where my hand meets hair
I wake in the middle of the night
Just enough light to make out a silhouette
Even in outline I can see your beauty
I lie there, listening to your breathing
I rub my hand across your chest and let it rest
Lying inert on your breast
I feel your heart
I close my eyes
Sleep
A deep breath, a gasp
Pleasure, a pause
Rolling in the darkness of late night
My hands trail along your skin, smooth
Except where my hand meets hair
I wake in the middle of the night
Just enough light to make out a silhouette
Even in outline I can see your beauty
I lie there, listening to your breathing
I rub my hand across your chest and let it rest
Lying inert on your breast
I feel your heart
I close my eyes
Sleep
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About Me
- Conor W.
- Texas
- A young man living in North Texas. He is an actor, a Hellenistos, and a proud member of Hellenion.


