"The key isn't to not be scared, okay? You should be scared. You are in front of a million people it feels like, exposed, vulnerable, and not a single one is going to forgive you if you fuck up, ya know? You gotta get that, be scared. The key, the key here is to not show it, don't think about it. Be scared, don't shake on stage. It'll throw you off your guard. That's the deal Lloyd" the speaker took a long slow puff off his cigarette, as if collecting his thoughts. He let the smoke billow out of his mouth slowly and gazed off into the distance There was a still, gentle silence in the room for a moment, but it was not uncomfortable. The cars outside provided a gentle music, a white noise that grew in intensity depending on the time of day. "Ya know, I was young like you once" the speaker continued. "I got my breaks. I got lucky. But I know what I'm talking about. Maybe a little" he cracked a smile suddenly, and his face lit up like a child's. "Did I ever tell you the zipper story?" Lloyd shook his head and weakly mumbled no. "Ah, well it ain't much ya know? I was out on stage, we were doin' a show called Dividing the Estate. I was playing Lewis. We were over at the Sideways Players, you know where they are at? Yeah? Well, we were there. Little place you know, for a big show. Our director was fucking crazy ya know? This was a big show in a little place, too small. So, anyway, I go out, I'm on stage for a while. and suddenly the old lady playing Stella wanders over to me. I got scared, I thought she forgot her blocking or something, but no. My zipper was down, and I didn't have any drawers on. We just played it off. I dunno if anyone saw anything, but it was small, so I dunno. The theatre, mind you, not my dick. But we just played it off. It was nothing, we just worked it. That's what it is about. Being on your toes. Watching out for the other people on stage. Sometimes shit happens Lloyd. Shit happens, and you can't let it remind you, 'oh shit, I went on stage scared'. Roll with things." Lloyd nodded vigorously. The speaker reached out and patted him on the back, a smile plastered across his face, thoroughly amused. It was clear that the laugh lines on his face were from just that, laughing. "Lighten up young man! Was just supposed to be a story, not a lesson. But maybe I just made it into a lesson. I don't know." He took another slow puff of his cigarette. "Don't take things so seriously Lloyd. You gotta have your jokes when you can. Its the only thing that is going to let you put up with the egos you are gonna bump into."
Lloyd nodded and gently strummed his fingers on his knee, his anxiety seeping through the pores in his skin, manifesting itself as sweat. His friend took another light drag and smiled 'Don't you have somewhere to be?' he quipped. His voice seemed to linger like the smoke from his cigarette. Lloyd hastily nodded, shook his hand, and muttered a 'bye Neil' before dashing out the door.
Neil sat in his chair and closed his eyes, reliving his own glory days.
"Yes" he thought. "He's going to do just fine."
Outside a car beeped, and the birds chattered away.
Tuesday, April 30, 2013
20K Views!
My blog has exceeded 20 thousand views! I'm elated!
A huge thanks to all my readers. You are all wonderful and awesome!
As a thanks for this, I will write a devotional for free to the first two people to e-mail me. It will be in the some format and style that I use for my own devotionals. If you are not one of the first two people I will be holding a special on writing devotionals until Friday, with the price being only 5 dollars.
If you would like a devotional, e-mail me at fathergia@yahoo.com with your name and which God or Goddess you'd like the devotional to be for.
Thanks everybody, you are all fabulous and wonderful!
A huge thanks to all my readers. You are all wonderful and awesome!
As a thanks for this, I will write a devotional for free to the first two people to e-mail me. It will be in the some format and style that I use for my own devotionals. If you are not one of the first two people I will be holding a special on writing devotionals until Friday, with the price being only 5 dollars.
If you would like a devotional, e-mail me at fathergia@yahoo.com with your name and which God or Goddess you'd like the devotional to be for.
Thanks everybody, you are all fabulous and wonderful!
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| I'm sweaty, but happy! |
A Brief Note on Sacred Animals (We aren't Hindus)
So, I have stumbled onto a couple of posts, most recently this one (to save you the pain of reading it TL;DR Deers are a symbol of Artemis. I'm not eating them.) which basically go 'Oh, an animal/animals are sacred to this or that God! I shan't eat them any longer!'
Not exactly the best conclusion.
Just because an animal is 'sacred' does not mean that we cannot consume it or that we shouldn't consume it. Bulls were sacred to Zeus, and they were sacrificed to him, goats to Pan, rams to Hermes, it goes on. As with most Greek sacrifices, these animals were not (usually, the exception being holocaust offerings) just killed and left to rot or just utterly destroyed. No, they were consumed. Likewise, a hunter might pray or make offerings to Artemis to help him find, kill, and eat a stag. 'Sacred' has a lot of loaded connotations that we may unnecessarily carry over into our conclusions of things. So, if sacred animals aren't necessarily to be treated with extra reverence in the form of not eating them, what makes them sacred?
They act as symbols or representations of a God or Goddess and their power or aspects. Owls held a wisdom connotation, and so they were associated with Athena, sparrows were lascivious little birds so an Aphrodite association developed. Bulls are virile, strong, fertile, so they represent Zeus. It goes on and on, the 'sacredness' of an animal is not an order (usually) not to kill or eat it, rather it is a way for us to look at an animal and be reminded of the strength, beauty, majesty, and power of our Gods.
Of course, Aldridge and whoever else are allowed to draw whatever conclusions they want. I just think it might be beneficial to remember that we aren't Hindus. Sacred does not equal do not eat.
(Of course. . .this isn't going into the Mystery traditions or the various schools like Pythagorianism and Orphisim. Take this post for what it is worth, brief and general!)
Not exactly the best conclusion.
Just because an animal is 'sacred' does not mean that we cannot consume it or that we shouldn't consume it. Bulls were sacred to Zeus, and they were sacrificed to him, goats to Pan, rams to Hermes, it goes on. As with most Greek sacrifices, these animals were not (usually, the exception being holocaust offerings) just killed and left to rot or just utterly destroyed. No, they were consumed. Likewise, a hunter might pray or make offerings to Artemis to help him find, kill, and eat a stag. 'Sacred' has a lot of loaded connotations that we may unnecessarily carry over into our conclusions of things. So, if sacred animals aren't necessarily to be treated with extra reverence in the form of not eating them, what makes them sacred?
They act as symbols or representations of a God or Goddess and their power or aspects. Owls held a wisdom connotation, and so they were associated with Athena, sparrows were lascivious little birds so an Aphrodite association developed. Bulls are virile, strong, fertile, so they represent Zeus. It goes on and on, the 'sacredness' of an animal is not an order (usually) not to kill or eat it, rather it is a way for us to look at an animal and be reminded of the strength, beauty, majesty, and power of our Gods.
Of course, Aldridge and whoever else are allowed to draw whatever conclusions they want. I just think it might be beneficial to remember that we aren't Hindus. Sacred does not equal do not eat.
(Of course. . .this isn't going into the Mystery traditions or the various schools like Pythagorianism and Orphisim. Take this post for what it is worth, brief and general!)
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| Flight of Europa taken by cliff1066 on Flickr |
Saturday, April 27, 2013
Friday, April 26, 2013
What Got Me Here
I've been thinking long and hard about what got me into the situation I got into. What got me to this point, how I got to this point, and quite honestly the answer is simple.
Hubris, that's what got me here.
See, throughout high school I never had to try to get good grades. I was in all AP and Honors classes, I never studied, I sometimes paid attention, and I did my homework and projects at the last minute, and yet I made good grades. Not only did I pass, I wound up in the top quarter of my class, it wasn't a challenge for me. Off I go to college, and my Freshman year was a breeze. I just repeated what I did in High School and I made decent grades, I ended it with a 3.2. Then, my Sophomore year started.
The first semester of this year was really tough for me. I took heavy load classes, got involved in a show, and got dumped hard, I kind of just snapped and shut down, which heavily affected my grades and thus my GPA. This semester though, it wasn't like that. I got prideful, and lazy, and went 'Oh, I'll just read the chapter and be done with it'.
Nope.
I didn't study, I went to class at about a 50 percent rate, I half-assed my homework and basically just assumed that because I'm smart, I could be lazy. That bit me in the ass. By the time I realized that I had fucked up, I was done for. It was too late. My academic arrogance bit me in the ass, and my lack of self-discipline really killed me. This whole experience has been a wake-up call, it has given my whole academic career a new sense of gravitas, because honestly I haven't been taking school as seriously as I should.
It has hit me that I MUST cultivate self-discipline, initiative and to not assume that I don't need to study. To be humble when it comes to school and assume that I will fail any test I take, therefore making studying an imperative. I have a game plan now, I know what I MUST do. This isn't a game, it ain't a joke.
I've got it sorted out, and I've got a plan of action for the Fall semester (assuming my dad qualifies for co-signing by then.) This won't happen again.
I'm done fucking up, time to get serious and bite the bullet.
Hubris, that's what got me here.
See, throughout high school I never had to try to get good grades. I was in all AP and Honors classes, I never studied, I sometimes paid attention, and I did my homework and projects at the last minute, and yet I made good grades. Not only did I pass, I wound up in the top quarter of my class, it wasn't a challenge for me. Off I go to college, and my Freshman year was a breeze. I just repeated what I did in High School and I made decent grades, I ended it with a 3.2. Then, my Sophomore year started.
The first semester of this year was really tough for me. I took heavy load classes, got involved in a show, and got dumped hard, I kind of just snapped and shut down, which heavily affected my grades and thus my GPA. This semester though, it wasn't like that. I got prideful, and lazy, and went 'Oh, I'll just read the chapter and be done with it'.
Nope.
I didn't study, I went to class at about a 50 percent rate, I half-assed my homework and basically just assumed that because I'm smart, I could be lazy. That bit me in the ass. By the time I realized that I had fucked up, I was done for. It was too late. My academic arrogance bit me in the ass, and my lack of self-discipline really killed me. This whole experience has been a wake-up call, it has given my whole academic career a new sense of gravitas, because honestly I haven't been taking school as seriously as I should.
It has hit me that I MUST cultivate self-discipline, initiative and to not assume that I don't need to study. To be humble when it comes to school and assume that I will fail any test I take, therefore making studying an imperative. I have a game plan now, I know what I MUST do. This isn't a game, it ain't a joke.
I've got it sorted out, and I've got a plan of action for the Fall semester (assuming my dad qualifies for co-signing by then.) This won't happen again.
I'm done fucking up, time to get serious and bite the bullet.
Wednesday, April 24, 2013
Thank You All
Two days ago I made a plea for help.
Two days ago, I was terrified of what the future held, uncertain, afraid.
Two days ago, I thought I was going to lose everything.
Two days ago, I was uncertain of whether I'd be in my house in May.
I still will be
People came through. My friends showed me generosity and kindness that I thought folks only gave their family members.
I've had people donate money, and I have had someone send me food. I'm absolutely overwhelmed.
I will make it through May for sure, now I am still working on being able to get through June. The weather is warming up though, so I'm sure I can get some lawn work.
I just want to say, a thousand times to all who have helped THANK YOU.
From the bottom of my heart and soul, thank you. You all have shown me kindness that I would never have anticipated or expected.
Again, thank you.
Two days ago, I was terrified of what the future held, uncertain, afraid.
Two days ago, I thought I was going to lose everything.
Two days ago, I was uncertain of whether I'd be in my house in May.
I still will be
People came through. My friends showed me generosity and kindness that I thought folks only gave their family members.
I've had people donate money, and I have had someone send me food. I'm absolutely overwhelmed.
I will make it through May for sure, now I am still working on being able to get through June. The weather is warming up though, so I'm sure I can get some lawn work.
I just want to say, a thousand times to all who have helped THANK YOU.
From the bottom of my heart and soul, thank you. You all have shown me kindness that I would never have anticipated or expected.
Again, thank you.
Monday, April 22, 2013
I Need Help
Long-story short, I need help
I messed up, got myself into a bad situation, and now I'm basically on the verge of losing my house, my dog, and all my things. I can't go live with my dad, and I mean that literally. He doesn't have a place of his own, nor does he have the finances to support me even temporarily. I'm at threat of losing my house and everything I have, with nowhere else to go.
So I'm asking for some help.
There are a few ways you can help me if you are so willing.
1) If you are in my area and know someone who is hiring *please* direct me towards them. I've done the math, and if I can get 20 hours a week at 7.50 an hour I can survive (albeit, my diet won't be very good) I want to be able to work 40 hours a week, but I don't know how feasible that is with the way the jobs are around here, but it is what I'm aiming for
2) If you are in my area and you have some odd jobs you need done, I am ready and willing to do them. Any bit of way I can make cash helps. My minimum expenses come out to 425ish a month, but that is an all-ramen diet, no vitamins, and neglecting some bills. I can survive on this, just not very well. If you have some odd jobs, please let me know by sending an e-mail to fathergia@yahoo.com
3) If you would be willing to 'donate' some money to me, that is one way to help. I put donate in quotation marks, because any money that is sent to me I will pay back, and in addition anyone who donates some amount I will write or proof-read or something for them. We will discuss what I can do for you in thanks for this micro-loan. It is the best I can offer in terms of paying interest.
My paypal is on another tab on this blog, but here it is again: fathergia@yahoo.com
So far, I have raised 23 dollars for May's minimum expenditures. I think if I can get through May and June, I'll be able to find a job.
I'm at my wit's end. I don't know what else to do, so anything and everything will be helpful, it will be appreciated.
Thank you so much for taking the time to read this
I messed up, got myself into a bad situation, and now I'm basically on the verge of losing my house, my dog, and all my things. I can't go live with my dad, and I mean that literally. He doesn't have a place of his own, nor does he have the finances to support me even temporarily. I'm at threat of losing my house and everything I have, with nowhere else to go.
So I'm asking for some help.
There are a few ways you can help me if you are so willing.
1) If you are in my area and know someone who is hiring *please* direct me towards them. I've done the math, and if I can get 20 hours a week at 7.50 an hour I can survive (albeit, my diet won't be very good) I want to be able to work 40 hours a week, but I don't know how feasible that is with the way the jobs are around here, but it is what I'm aiming for
2) If you are in my area and you have some odd jobs you need done, I am ready and willing to do them. Any bit of way I can make cash helps. My minimum expenses come out to 425ish a month, but that is an all-ramen diet, no vitamins, and neglecting some bills. I can survive on this, just not very well. If you have some odd jobs, please let me know by sending an e-mail to fathergia@yahoo.com
3) If you would be willing to 'donate' some money to me, that is one way to help. I put donate in quotation marks, because any money that is sent to me I will pay back, and in addition anyone who donates some amount I will write or proof-read or something for them. We will discuss what I can do for you in thanks for this micro-loan. It is the best I can offer in terms of paying interest.
My paypal is on another tab on this blog, but here it is again: fathergia@yahoo.com
So far, I have raised 23 dollars for May's minimum expenditures. I think if I can get through May and June, I'll be able to find a job.
I'm at my wit's end. I don't know what else to do, so anything and everything will be helpful, it will be appreciated.
Thank you so much for taking the time to read this
Friday, April 19, 2013
Winter/Taking a break for a few days
Due to some personal circumstances in my life I will not be posting again until Wednesday. Not too long, but wanted y'all to know whats up!
How long would the winter last?
If you blot out the sun
If you make the Earth straight
How long would the winter last?
How long would the winter last?
If you blot out the sun
If you make the Earth straight
How long would the winter last?
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| Look at this nifty vase I found at a garage sale |
Tuesday, April 16, 2013
The Birds Know
I woke up early this morning. I wandered into the kitchen, and through our still open window (I must have forgot to close it) the wind gently blew, bringing with it a certain smell. A smell that anticipates rain. I was reminded of Zeus and Hera. The blessings and nourishment that the rain brings to the Earth, how wind necessitates it.
Sometimes I like to just sit and count the blessings I have received from the Gods. What do I have? A lot, I have food in my belly, I have a house over my head. I have a wonderful boyfriend, I have a solid best friend. I am relatively healthy, I'm able to get an education, I'm able to walk the streets safely. Sometimes I can afford books or nicer things. Hell, being able to give offerings to the Gods is in of itself a blessing.
The most recent gift I've received, is that light consultation of birds, the little bits of wisdom they offer, and that I snatch up greedily, hungry for answers.
I gleaned something, the chattering, the distractions, the different draws to different calls, they are needed. I also discovered, from the signs, that my faith needs some sort of compliment. Something to support and build.
I had been needing this.
I'm going to be upfront. I was having some strong doubts about my commitment to Hellenismos. Not because of my faith in the Gods, but a variety of myriad and sundry issues which I won't go into detail here. The point is, I was uncertain, and more than a little worried about what direction I should go in. So I consulted the birds.
I heeded their 'words' (orthinomancy relies heavily on the actions of the birds, but their calls too sometimes). I just need something to support and compliment my Hellenic practice. Does this mean I'll be syncretic? I dunno, maybe. Does it mean I'll be dual tradition? I dunno, maybe. Does this mean I'll pick up on one of the various branches of Hellenismos? I dunno, maybe. I've got a lot of reading to do, I know that to be a certainty though.
The Gods have given me many blessings and a lot of guidance. I'm thankful for it all.
Sometimes I like to just sit and count the blessings I have received from the Gods. What do I have? A lot, I have food in my belly, I have a house over my head. I have a wonderful boyfriend, I have a solid best friend. I am relatively healthy, I'm able to get an education, I'm able to walk the streets safely. Sometimes I can afford books or nicer things. Hell, being able to give offerings to the Gods is in of itself a blessing.
The most recent gift I've received, is that light consultation of birds, the little bits of wisdom they offer, and that I snatch up greedily, hungry for answers.
I gleaned something, the chattering, the distractions, the different draws to different calls, they are needed. I also discovered, from the signs, that my faith needs some sort of compliment. Something to support and build.
I had been needing this.
I'm going to be upfront. I was having some strong doubts about my commitment to Hellenismos. Not because of my faith in the Gods, but a variety of myriad and sundry issues which I won't go into detail here. The point is, I was uncertain, and more than a little worried about what direction I should go in. So I consulted the birds.
I heeded their 'words' (orthinomancy relies heavily on the actions of the birds, but their calls too sometimes). I just need something to support and compliment my Hellenic practice. Does this mean I'll be syncretic? I dunno, maybe. Does it mean I'll be dual tradition? I dunno, maybe. Does this mean I'll pick up on one of the various branches of Hellenismos? I dunno, maybe. I've got a lot of reading to do, I know that to be a certainty though.
The Gods have given me many blessings and a lot of guidance. I'm thankful for it all.
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| Find the Birdie |
Monday, April 15, 2013
Do Not be Afraid
The news of the explosions at the Boston Marathon shook me up
I don't have much to say, I didn't expect to say anything on it. This was my 100th post, I wanted it to be fun, exciting special. But it isn't so.
I'm not going to pontificate much, I'm not going to talk much, I just wanted to share what has been playing in my head over, and over, and over again
Do not be afraid
Do not be afraid
Do not be afraid
DO NOT BE AFRAID
Whoever did this wants us to be scared to go places, that much is obvious.
Be defiant. Don't give into fear.
I don't have much to say, I didn't expect to say anything on it. This was my 100th post, I wanted it to be fun, exciting special. But it isn't so.
I'm not going to pontificate much, I'm not going to talk much, I just wanted to share what has been playing in my head over, and over, and over again
Do not be afraid
Do not be afraid
Do not be afraid
DO NOT BE AFRAID
Whoever did this wants us to be scared to go places, that much is obvious.
Be defiant. Don't give into fear.
Hellenists, learn to bird watch
Seriously. I've been practicing ornithomancy for about 6 months now, so I'm still pretty new to it, but sometimes I get just the signs and answers I need. I need to remember that when I am stressed, hurt, nervous, or anxious, that I need to just go out, ask the Gods to guide me, and let nature do the rest. I mostly observe birds, but other little critters give in put too.
Of course, as I said, I'm still pretty new and raw. I do know though, that I now have some guidance that I didn't previously have.
Do it. Go watch the birds. You don't have to go far, just your front porch or backyard. That'll do.
Of course, as I said, I'm still pretty new and raw. I do know though, that I now have some guidance that I didn't previously have.
Do it. Go watch the birds. You don't have to go far, just your front porch or backyard. That'll do.
Friday, April 12, 2013
When I See it
I weep sometimes when I see pictures of the Parthenon.
I am an emotional man you see, I'm moved to tears by extreme beauty, extreme joy, anger, frustration, and rarely despair.
The Parthenon though, it brings me to tears because of a realization. In my life time, Hellenists will probably not achieve that glory, that wonder, that beauty. Hell, I'm beginning to wonder if I can hope for a temple to be erected in my life. Even religious faiths which are boisterous and more popular and well known often have trouble erecting temples or places of worship, though some have managed it. If practitioners of Shinto can erect a shrine in Washington, surely we will be able to erect a temple somewhere?
And when I say temple, I'm talking about a *real* temple, a temenos, not a room in the back of someone's house.
I find it a hard pill to swallow. I don't want to swallow it, I don't want to believe it, I don't want to think it true.
But something in my heart knows that it is the truth.
Sometimes the truth sucks
I am an emotional man you see, I'm moved to tears by extreme beauty, extreme joy, anger, frustration, and rarely despair.
The Parthenon though, it brings me to tears because of a realization. In my life time, Hellenists will probably not achieve that glory, that wonder, that beauty. Hell, I'm beginning to wonder if I can hope for a temple to be erected in my life. Even religious faiths which are boisterous and more popular and well known often have trouble erecting temples or places of worship, though some have managed it. If practitioners of Shinto can erect a shrine in Washington, surely we will be able to erect a temple somewhere?
And when I say temple, I'm talking about a *real* temple, a temenos, not a room in the back of someone's house.
I find it a hard pill to swallow. I don't want to swallow it, I don't want to believe it, I don't want to think it true.
But something in my heart knows that it is the truth.
Sometimes the truth sucks
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| Parthenon by Mr G's Travels on Flickr |
Thursday, April 11, 2013
Shrine to Athena
Y'all may have noticed that I only post pictures of shrines every once in a while. You may also have noticed that this is around the Deipnon and Noumenia. I don't build a new shrine every moon cycle or something like that, rather I choose one shrine that has reached 'complete' status or has had some sort of addition to it around this time to be displayed. For example, my shrine to Athena has recently been completed but the majority of the things on it I have had for about 4 or 5 months. The last two things I got were the candle holder (the orange thing on the lower left corner) and the vase for lustral water (big orange thing) Modern day house shrines (and no, I'm not speaking of just the standard house shrines like the herm or the shrine to Zeus of the Pantry) are what have to serve as temples until we get some constructed. Everything you see on my shrines that exceeds the basics needed to properly make offerings is there for a reason, and that reason is not decoration. Each medal, each stone, each signet, each piece of jewelry present on a shrine is a thanks to the God or Goddess in question. My shrines have no decorations, just tokens of affection.
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The Blessings of Athena
Athena does not show herself through frenzied dance, through oracular prophecies, through mysterious initiations. Not to me, at least
No, the blessings of Athena are subtle and profound little things. Her gifts are when technological equipment makes a full and unexpected recovery, the ability to walk dark streets at 2 AM with fear in your heart but boldness in your body. A combination that makes you alert yet lies to the world and says 'I am not afraid'. Her oracles are epiphanies while you shower, those thoughts that occur as warm water flows over bare skin. Realizations, issues, problems, that which was unclear is made clear, when it seems like no solution was in sight, one is found. Her frenzied dance lies in a stream of ideas and thoughts which all at once seem right, all at once which demand your attention. The answer is so close, you know it, it bares down on you like a lion on a gazelle, yet in your heart you know one of these will emerge. One of these ideas will demand your attention, and it will demand it fully. Athena's frenzy is when you reach out for the easy issue and you are violently slapped, berated, and made to re-evaluate things. It is a discipline, a soft and stern way that says 'You want to be better? Don't be a coward. Do what is hard.' She presents you with so many options, so many things and says 'what will be your next venture? Choose carefully'. And you do it. You fall into it, you wrestle with it. If you walk away from it bloody and bruised and defeated, Athena is there. Not to hug and coddle and say 'Oh, well you did your best!'. No, she is there to stare you in the eyes and ask you if you really gave it your all.
Because in your heart you know if the idea defeated you, you just didn't try hard enough.
No, the blessings of Athena are subtle and profound little things. Her gifts are when technological equipment makes a full and unexpected recovery, the ability to walk dark streets at 2 AM with fear in your heart but boldness in your body. A combination that makes you alert yet lies to the world and says 'I am not afraid'. Her oracles are epiphanies while you shower, those thoughts that occur as warm water flows over bare skin. Realizations, issues, problems, that which was unclear is made clear, when it seems like no solution was in sight, one is found. Her frenzied dance lies in a stream of ideas and thoughts which all at once seem right, all at once which demand your attention. The answer is so close, you know it, it bares down on you like a lion on a gazelle, yet in your heart you know one of these will emerge. One of these ideas will demand your attention, and it will demand it fully. Athena's frenzy is when you reach out for the easy issue and you are violently slapped, berated, and made to re-evaluate things. It is a discipline, a soft and stern way that says 'You want to be better? Don't be a coward. Do what is hard.' She presents you with so many options, so many things and says 'what will be your next venture? Choose carefully'. And you do it. You fall into it, you wrestle with it. If you walk away from it bloody and bruised and defeated, Athena is there. Not to hug and coddle and say 'Oh, well you did your best!'. No, she is there to stare you in the eyes and ask you if you really gave it your all.
Because in your heart you know if the idea defeated you, you just didn't try hard enough.
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| Athena by wurzeltod on Flickr |
Wednesday, April 10, 2013
To Who Does Time Belong? (Poetry)
How many ways shall I hunger?
How many ways shall I thirst?
How many nights will I lie sleepless?
How many days will I simply waste?
The clock keeps ticking
My time, I will keep wasting
But is it my time to waste?
Who does it belong to?
To the Gods?
To my family?
To my lover?
To my friends?
To myself?
All of these?
None of these?
Can you have that which isn't?
Can you own your own process?
Does time have owners?
Or is it a process
Not owned, but spent
Never found, never kept
How many ways shall I thirst?
How many nights will I lie sleepless?
How many days will I simply waste?
The clock keeps ticking
My time, I will keep wasting
But is it my time to waste?
Who does it belong to?
To the Gods?
To my family?
To my lover?
To my friends?
To myself?
All of these?
None of these?
Can you have that which isn't?
Can you own your own process?
Does time have owners?
Or is it a process
Not owned, but spent
Never found, never kept
Tuesday, April 9, 2013
Perceive What You Have Heard (Ακουσας νοει)
(DISCLAIMER: I do not claim to be an expert on anything. I'm merely
giving my opinions and interpretations as I see them as being
applicable. We are not an absolutist faith, nor do I personally regard
the Maxims as "infallible" hence why I see the need to update things to
a
modern equivalency)
Maxim: Ακουσας νοει or Perceive what you have heard
Modern Interpretation: Don't be a parrot.
How many times have you seen the politicians begin the same tired rhetoric spouted off by the rest of their party? How many times have you had a friend or family member just begin to repeat precisely the stance of their favorite politician, basically word for word? How many times when people do this, do you think to yourself 'They are just copying Joe Blow."
That is what I believe this maxim concerns. Not just hearing information, but understanding it, comprehending it, and formulating your own opinions. It is about not just spitting out anything that a favorite person happens to say, it is about carefully evaluating their statements and deciding whether you agree with the idea. It can be hard to disagree with someone when you like them as a person, but if we are to properly and fully formulate our own opinions then we must learn to separate what the person said and the ideas contained within from the person themselves in evaluating the worth and relative truth of the idea.
Of course, this likely won't happen all at once. Sometimes you have to sit with what someone said and turn it over, think it over. The evaluation certainly doesn't have to be instantaneous, but as long as you give some thought to the speech or concept then it will be even more your own than it was before.
Maxim: Ακουσας νοει or Perceive what you have heard
Modern Interpretation: Don't be a parrot.
How many times have you seen the politicians begin the same tired rhetoric spouted off by the rest of their party? How many times have you had a friend or family member just begin to repeat precisely the stance of their favorite politician, basically word for word? How many times when people do this, do you think to yourself 'They are just copying Joe Blow."
That is what I believe this maxim concerns. Not just hearing information, but understanding it, comprehending it, and formulating your own opinions. It is about not just spitting out anything that a favorite person happens to say, it is about carefully evaluating their statements and deciding whether you agree with the idea. It can be hard to disagree with someone when you like them as a person, but if we are to properly and fully formulate our own opinions then we must learn to separate what the person said and the ideas contained within from the person themselves in evaluating the worth and relative truth of the idea.
Of course, this likely won't happen all at once. Sometimes you have to sit with what someone said and turn it over, think it over. The evaluation certainly doesn't have to be instantaneous, but as long as you give some thought to the speech or concept then it will be even more your own than it was before.
 |
| By lisainglasses on Flickr |
Monday, April 8, 2013
Saturday, April 6, 2013
Snapped
I snapped at someone last night. For no reason really. They wrote this post and I just snapped and was very harsh with them. My comment is there, you should know my username.
Her idea wasn't bad, it was actually pretty good, and really I agree with it. I prefer not to use styrofoam myself. I just snapped.
I knew why immediately after it was all done, and I regret reacting like I did, she didn't deserve that kind of aggression.
Like I said though, I knew why I did it.
I'm stressed
I'm burning out
Not on my faith, but Pagans are burning me out. They complain about everything, there is always some issue, some gripe going around. They complain if words don't have the exact right implication, fuck that the word is standard use. They complain about too much rigidity, they complain about not enough. They complain about not having temples and then complain about the abuse of the land that founding a temple would cause. They complain, they complain, they complain, and it started wearing on me.
The content didn't make me mad. It was just the complaint that broke the camel's back.
I also came to the realization that a lot of the people that I felt were my friends, well they weren't. They don't talk to me, they don't support me, and frankly I'm heavily under the impression that they don't care about me, and that stung. I thought I had made friends, but I realized that really I didn't. I have a few friends of course. That hurt.
Last night, I sat up, folding clothes, staring blankly. I wondered, I pondered, why do I bother with the Pagan community? I realized, I'm receiving no benefits from them, I'm only getting stressed and riled up. My CUUPs group was cool for a while, but fuck it, every time I go to ritual I mostly get ignored because I'm still a fairly new guy. What is the point for me? They sure as hell aren't helping my faith grow, and they aren't helping my religion prosper, I mean hell, Drew Jacob realized that the Pagan community wasn't really helping with his faith or its growth.
Why am I here, in this community? Should I be?
This isn't a crisis of faith, as you know I look at Paganism as a sub-culture and not as a religious grouping. My faith is Hellenismos, it is not Pagan or Paganism. Why am I doing this? I really, really, really don't know.
As such, I've decided to take a hiatus from the community. Xenia will still hold its rituals, and people will still be invited to them, but I simply need a break, I need to see if I actually do glean anything from the community, or if I'm happier without it.
The blog will still be up and running of course, but don't expect it to grapple 'pagan issues'. I won't be reading Pagan blogs for the most part, so I probably won't be hip on what the current topics floating around are. I'm just going to write as I do and try to be happy with it.
Her idea wasn't bad, it was actually pretty good, and really I agree with it. I prefer not to use styrofoam myself. I just snapped.
I knew why immediately after it was all done, and I regret reacting like I did, she didn't deserve that kind of aggression.
Like I said though, I knew why I did it.
I'm stressed
I'm burning out
Not on my faith, but Pagans are burning me out. They complain about everything, there is always some issue, some gripe going around. They complain if words don't have the exact right implication, fuck that the word is standard use. They complain about too much rigidity, they complain about not enough. They complain about not having temples and then complain about the abuse of the land that founding a temple would cause. They complain, they complain, they complain, and it started wearing on me.
The content didn't make me mad. It was just the complaint that broke the camel's back.
I also came to the realization that a lot of the people that I felt were my friends, well they weren't. They don't talk to me, they don't support me, and frankly I'm heavily under the impression that they don't care about me, and that stung. I thought I had made friends, but I realized that really I didn't. I have a few friends of course. That hurt.
Last night, I sat up, folding clothes, staring blankly. I wondered, I pondered, why do I bother with the Pagan community? I realized, I'm receiving no benefits from them, I'm only getting stressed and riled up. My CUUPs group was cool for a while, but fuck it, every time I go to ritual I mostly get ignored because I'm still a fairly new guy. What is the point for me? They sure as hell aren't helping my faith grow, and they aren't helping my religion prosper, I mean hell, Drew Jacob realized that the Pagan community wasn't really helping with his faith or its growth.
Why am I here, in this community? Should I be?
This isn't a crisis of faith, as you know I look at Paganism as a sub-culture and not as a religious grouping. My faith is Hellenismos, it is not Pagan or Paganism. Why am I doing this? I really, really, really don't know.
As such, I've decided to take a hiatus from the community. Xenia will still hold its rituals, and people will still be invited to them, but I simply need a break, I need to see if I actually do glean anything from the community, or if I'm happier without it.
The blog will still be up and running of course, but don't expect it to grapple 'pagan issues'. I won't be reading Pagan blogs for the most part, so I probably won't be hip on what the current topics floating around are. I'm just going to write as I do and try to be happy with it.
 |
| Rest Here by oliverkendal on Flickr |
Wednesday, April 3, 2013
Tuesday, April 2, 2013
Morality, Mortals, and Gods
The Gods don't share our morals
Jason Mankey wrote this post about how the "Gods are changing". It was a good read(and I suggest you read it), and I'm not going to go full-critique mode on it, but the thing that struck me the most was that he assumed that because our interpretation of the Gods changed the Gods themselves changed. It doesn't necessarily follow though, because someone told a happy-go-lucky story about Pan, it doesn't mean that Pan changed. If I wrote a story about Odin taking up the hobby of drag and embracing his inner drag queen, it doesn't mean that Odin has become cosmically in touch with his feminine self. It means that I wrote a story where Odin was a drag star.
The story of Pan helping Rabbit was made for children, so the fact that it didn't highlight his sexual proclivities doesn't surprise me. He then goes on to talk about how in the 19th century, the view on Pan changed and makes the slightly erroneous conclusion that thus, Pan has changed. Pan didn't change, society changed and so they changed the way they talked about Pan.
Most stories about the Gods bring out and highlight specific attributes of them. No single story of ours will express their fullness, no matter how badly we wish it so, and no sanitation of the Gods image is going to change that they have aspects and sides which are disagreeable to modern culture.
Which brings me back to my first sentence. The Gods don't share our morals. The Gods have their own standards and guidelines, that I would think vary from God to God. The standards that Dionysus sets for his devotees is going to be a helluva lot different from the standards set by Amaterasu for her devotees. This means, quite simply, that each God and Goddess (and I really and truly believe this) has his or her own moral compass and the things that their devotees feel is right does not dictate that. The Gods are the Gods.
Hermes is a God of Thieves, while in our modern society (indeed, in societies everywhere for most of time it seems) thievery is a bad, and nasty thing, Hermes being the patron of thieves would indicate to him that it is not. He is, after all, a humorous God (some would put him into the 'Trickster' category) which, inevitably, makes him a very cunning God. He is also a deft, and nimble God, and you see these things coming to a head in the act of home robbery. The fact that we don't like getting robbed does not matter, he delights in the things that go into a good robbery.
Likewise, even though many modern persons find prostitution to be 'low' or 'immoral' we find that Aphrodite is also the patroness of prostitutes. It does not matter whether we like or hate prostitutes, she is their patroness because of the function. It is not for love or attraction or passion, it is for money (on the prostitutes side) and to fulfill a base desire (on the john's side).
(Just to be clear, I support the rights of sex workers and the legalization of prostitution)
Now, going into the darker, heavier stuff.
So then, you might ask, how might the Gods react to someone getting raped?
Honestly, I don't think they care too much. I'd like to say otherwise, I'd like to pretend that every God cries out for vengeance and sends malevolent daimones out to get the rapist, but I don't think it works like that. Some gods, I can imagine, would have very specific cares if certain kinds of people were raped (virgins, wives, husbands, their devotees) but I think the majority of Gods would see it and go "Whelp, the humans are raping each other again". Up until a point though. When a person cries out to a God for vengeance against anyone who wronged them or someone they care about, the gods and goddesses take notice. You petition them, and they may punish the person, they may bring them sickness or ill-fortune or otherwise hurt them. They may assist in bringing them to justice (depending on the God petitioned of course). When you petition the Gods for an injustice, they take notice. You bring the harm to a cosmic level, a case of the one who broke the rules of man and harmed not just you, but society as a whole. The Gods may punish this person, or it may be outside of their powers to do so. However, you have brought it to the attention of the Gods, and some Gods will remember that person as vile and wretched (because, I think, for just about every act, good and bad, there is some God who at the very least is annoyed by it). Not to mention the fact that they have brought a blackmark against their family's honor by their actions. Talk to your ancestor's spirits, petition them too for vengeance if you seek it. Get their advice and comfort. If the Gods have unique moral compasses, our ancestor's will be more in line with our own, so you may find that they are more understanding of your pleas.
I'd like to reiterate though, the Gods are not amoral or immoral, they have their own standards of morality. Though, most Gods, I have noticed, take oath-breaking and betraying loyalties to be a huge 'no-no'. That seems to be a universal that applies in many areas (Because after-all, a majority of rapes according to that page seem to be committed by friends of the victim, which is a huge violation of loyalty and trust, which the Gods seem to abhor)
Another point, which I will expand on in a later post, is to remember that because the Gods have their own morals and do not necessarily share ours, you may find that as you become more devoted to them, you will have to increasingly step out of your comfort zone. If a God is only ever 'asking' you to do things you are comfortable with, you might want to really sit down and analyze and think about these things, and figure out if you are putting words into the God's mouth. Remember, when in doubt do some divination, or get someone else to do some for you. It can be tricky sometimes, to separate the moments when our sub-conscious is telling us what it wants and when a God is giving us marching orders
Let me close with this though, do not think that because a God or Goddess does not share your morals, it doesn't mean you shouldn't pray, meditate, and think on them and how they would view a moral situation. It can help to understand how Athena might see a one-night stand, and how Aphrodite might see it. It lets us look at it through different view points. It also doesn't mean that they don't understand that you see it as bad, much as many Americans know that Muslims don't eat pork, but we can't quite know the revulsion they feel towards it. The same goes for our concerns. Some Gods will understand, some won't. Even if you think they might not, pray anyway, you may find that they do, or despite not knowing it fully, they will offer some level of comfort and strength.
You may be wondering why I mentioned rape specifically. I did it because this month I have decided to support and promote RAINN (Rape Abuse and Incest National Network). This should take you to the mission statement. For the month of April any donation made will be matched. Even if you only can give a few bucks, it'll make a difference. Maybe choosing to use rape as the specific example was too much, but it brought it to the forefront of your mind, didn't it? Please, check out the organization even if you don't think you are going to donate any money. Spread the word. Something.
Jason Mankey wrote this post about how the "Gods are changing". It was a good read(and I suggest you read it), and I'm not going to go full-critique mode on it, but the thing that struck me the most was that he assumed that because our interpretation of the Gods changed the Gods themselves changed. It doesn't necessarily follow though, because someone told a happy-go-lucky story about Pan, it doesn't mean that Pan changed. If I wrote a story about Odin taking up the hobby of drag and embracing his inner drag queen, it doesn't mean that Odin has become cosmically in touch with his feminine self. It means that I wrote a story where Odin was a drag star.
The story of Pan helping Rabbit was made for children, so the fact that it didn't highlight his sexual proclivities doesn't surprise me. He then goes on to talk about how in the 19th century, the view on Pan changed and makes the slightly erroneous conclusion that thus, Pan has changed. Pan didn't change, society changed and so they changed the way they talked about Pan.
Most stories about the Gods bring out and highlight specific attributes of them. No single story of ours will express their fullness, no matter how badly we wish it so, and no sanitation of the Gods image is going to change that they have aspects and sides which are disagreeable to modern culture.
Which brings me back to my first sentence. The Gods don't share our morals. The Gods have their own standards and guidelines, that I would think vary from God to God. The standards that Dionysus sets for his devotees is going to be a helluva lot different from the standards set by Amaterasu for her devotees. This means, quite simply, that each God and Goddess (and I really and truly believe this) has his or her own moral compass and the things that their devotees feel is right does not dictate that. The Gods are the Gods.
Hermes is a God of Thieves, while in our modern society (indeed, in societies everywhere for most of time it seems) thievery is a bad, and nasty thing, Hermes being the patron of thieves would indicate to him that it is not. He is, after all, a humorous God (some would put him into the 'Trickster' category) which, inevitably, makes him a very cunning God. He is also a deft, and nimble God, and you see these things coming to a head in the act of home robbery. The fact that we don't like getting robbed does not matter, he delights in the things that go into a good robbery.
Likewise, even though many modern persons find prostitution to be 'low' or 'immoral' we find that Aphrodite is also the patroness of prostitutes. It does not matter whether we like or hate prostitutes, she is their patroness because of the function. It is not for love or attraction or passion, it is for money (on the prostitutes side) and to fulfill a base desire (on the john's side).
(Just to be clear, I support the rights of sex workers and the legalization of prostitution)
Now, going into the darker, heavier stuff.
So then, you might ask, how might the Gods react to someone getting raped?
Honestly, I don't think they care too much. I'd like to say otherwise, I'd like to pretend that every God cries out for vengeance and sends malevolent daimones out to get the rapist, but I don't think it works like that. Some gods, I can imagine, would have very specific cares if certain kinds of people were raped (virgins, wives, husbands, their devotees) but I think the majority of Gods would see it and go "Whelp, the humans are raping each other again". Up until a point though. When a person cries out to a God for vengeance against anyone who wronged them or someone they care about, the gods and goddesses take notice. You petition them, and they may punish the person, they may bring them sickness or ill-fortune or otherwise hurt them. They may assist in bringing them to justice (depending on the God petitioned of course). When you petition the Gods for an injustice, they take notice. You bring the harm to a cosmic level, a case of the one who broke the rules of man and harmed not just you, but society as a whole. The Gods may punish this person, or it may be outside of their powers to do so. However, you have brought it to the attention of the Gods, and some Gods will remember that person as vile and wretched (because, I think, for just about every act, good and bad, there is some God who at the very least is annoyed by it). Not to mention the fact that they have brought a blackmark against their family's honor by their actions. Talk to your ancestor's spirits, petition them too for vengeance if you seek it. Get their advice and comfort. If the Gods have unique moral compasses, our ancestor's will be more in line with our own, so you may find that they are more understanding of your pleas.
I'd like to reiterate though, the Gods are not amoral or immoral, they have their own standards of morality. Though, most Gods, I have noticed, take oath-breaking and betraying loyalties to be a huge 'no-no'. That seems to be a universal that applies in many areas (Because after-all, a majority of rapes according to that page seem to be committed by friends of the victim, which is a huge violation of loyalty and trust, which the Gods seem to abhor)
Another point, which I will expand on in a later post, is to remember that because the Gods have their own morals and do not necessarily share ours, you may find that as you become more devoted to them, you will have to increasingly step out of your comfort zone. If a God is only ever 'asking' you to do things you are comfortable with, you might want to really sit down and analyze and think about these things, and figure out if you are putting words into the God's mouth. Remember, when in doubt do some divination, or get someone else to do some for you. It can be tricky sometimes, to separate the moments when our sub-conscious is telling us what it wants and when a God is giving us marching orders
Let me close with this though, do not think that because a God or Goddess does not share your morals, it doesn't mean you shouldn't pray, meditate, and think on them and how they would view a moral situation. It can help to understand how Athena might see a one-night stand, and how Aphrodite might see it. It lets us look at it through different view points. It also doesn't mean that they don't understand that you see it as bad, much as many Americans know that Muslims don't eat pork, but we can't quite know the revulsion they feel towards it. The same goes for our concerns. Some Gods will understand, some won't. Even if you think they might not, pray anyway, you may find that they do, or despite not knowing it fully, they will offer some level of comfort and strength.
 |
| Portrait of a Devotee by williamcho on Flickr |
You may be wondering why I mentioned rape specifically. I did it because this month I have decided to support and promote RAINN (Rape Abuse and Incest National Network). This should take you to the mission statement. For the month of April any donation made will be matched. Even if you only can give a few bucks, it'll make a difference. Maybe choosing to use rape as the specific example was too much, but it brought it to the forefront of your mind, didn't it? Please, check out the organization even if you don't think you are going to donate any money. Spread the word. Something.
Monday, April 1, 2013
Anticipation
I think this song adequately describes how I've been feeling these past couple of weeks. Something big is happening, a change is coming. It just needs to burst forth. I can feel it though, a swelling in my chest, a certain knowing without knowing.
I'm not sure what is coming up, but I sure as hell better be ready
I'm not sure what is coming up, but I sure as hell better be ready
2013 (Poetry)
Oh baby I know I'm beautiful
I don't need anyone to say it
I've got a mirror
And I've got eyes
I don't need anyone to say it
Oh baby I know I'm beautiful
You just gotta look me in the eye
I know, I know, I know it
'Cuz I'm a 21st Century guy
And now everyone is beautiful
And everyone is pretty
Oh baby I know I'm beautiful
At least, on the outside
We've all got our little problems
But nobody is fucked up
They're just a little different
Yeah, a little different is all
We've all got our little problems
But nobody fucks up
They just, mad a-uh little mistake you see
So give 'em another chance
Oh in the 21st century
Yeah, well, in this day and age.
Nobody is evil or vile, or needs to be disengaged
As long as you aren't hurting someone
Be as self-centered
(egotisticalantisocialarrogantpridefultactlessboorishbrat)
as you want
As long as you aren't making a name for yourself
Why don't you make a style for yourself?
Yeah, because in 2013, everybody is kind of edgy
Yeah, because in 2013, everybody is kind of. . .dark
You look in the mirror and a passer-by says something kind
Over his shoulder
But you don't know anymore, did he mean it?
Positive things aren't appreciated, they are expected
And if you don't say a kind word
You better have not have told the truth
Yeah, because in 2-Oh-Oh-ten-plus-three
Don't tell your truth
It ain't appreciated
Stick to the pleasant lies
I don't need anyone to say it
I've got a mirror
And I've got eyes
I don't need anyone to say it
Oh baby I know I'm beautiful
You just gotta look me in the eye
I know, I know, I know it
'Cuz I'm a 21st Century guy
And now everyone is beautiful
And everyone is pretty
Oh baby I know I'm beautiful
At least, on the outside
We've all got our little problems
But nobody is fucked up
They're just a little different
Yeah, a little different is all
We've all got our little problems
But nobody fucks up
They just, mad a-uh little mistake you see
So give 'em another chance
Oh in the 21st century
Yeah, well, in this day and age.
Nobody is evil or vile, or needs to be disengaged
As long as you aren't hurting someone
Be as self-centered
(egotisticalantisocialarrogantpridefultactlessboorishbrat)
as you want
As long as you aren't making a name for yourself
Why don't you make a style for yourself?
Yeah, because in 2013, everybody is kind of edgy
Yeah, because in 2013, everybody is kind of. . .dark
You look in the mirror and a passer-by says something kind
Over his shoulder
But you don't know anymore, did he mean it?
Positive things aren't appreciated, they are expected
And if you don't say a kind word
You better have not have told the truth
Yeah, because in 2-Oh-Oh-ten-plus-three
Don't tell your truth
It ain't appreciated
Stick to the pleasant lies
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About Me
- Conor W.
- Texas
- A young man living in North Texas. He is an actor, a Hellenistos, and a proud member of Hellenion.