The first one is that I will no longer be attending the Unitarian Universalist Church. This has nothing to do with the people being mean (because they aren't) everyone at my local Unitarian Universalist Church were all very nice and kind and good people. I'm electing to cease going altogehter for a few reasons, the first one being that it just isn't meeting my needs. When I first started attending I was hoping to develop my own spirituality and get some insights into the spirituality of others, I thought it would be a good place to attend to learn more about other faiths in-depth, but I ultimately realized that Unitarian Universalists do have a certain kind of faith homogenity with some garnish on top. Really though, the Church is more about Social Justice issues and Humanitarian causes than anything, which ISN'T bad, it just isn't what I'm seeking out.
I'd also like to thank everyone at the Denton Unitarian Universalist Foundation for showing me hospitality, for talking to me, and for being my friend. I will not forget the coffee we shared and I definitely won't forget the teens that I had the pleasure of watching develop and come along on their own ruminations about God and faith. Reverend Pamela Wat was wonderful and I'm sure she'll bring the Foundation to even greater successes and heights
This lead to the next thing that I had to think about. Do I continue attending CUUPS? They are the only Pagan organization around really, but really I don't have more than a sprinkling of kindred spirits in the group. They are all fine and fabulous people and they at minimum pour libations to the Gods and Goddesses (even if occasionally they just resort to the generic 'Lord, Lady, and Ancestors' ). However, I find myself cringing when I get into social situations with more than a select couple of people and there is a lot of attitudes held by many members that grate on me and that I don't feel I really have place to address or discuss heavily as it will just result in tensions, hurt feelings, and lets be honest, I am of a different faith than the majority of CUUPs goers. In fact, as far as I know I'm the only recon in the group currently. I've had a lot of fun with the group too! They have been a source of socialization, and connection and not feeling isolated among the vast wide world and the sea of Abrahamic believers. However, I also feel that it is wrong to attend events solely for socialization and entertainment purposes. So I was (and still am) conflicted between what I want for myself and what I feel is right, pious, and proper. If you know anything about me, you will know what I have elected to do.
So it is with a heavy heart that I also bid a goodbye to CUUPS
Now that brings me to the last thing that I really had to grapple with. Do I want to be involved with the Pan-Pagan community? If so, why? If not, why? The answer I have ultimately come to is a relatively dejected 'no, but I have to'. I have too many connections with the Pan-Pagan community, plus Pan-Pagan events are great places to raise awareness for Reconstructionism and Hellenion. I have decided that I'm going to limit interaction though, I'm not going to try to engage in debates and many of the gen Pagan blogs I read I'm going to stop reading. I'm also not going to attend Eclectic/Wiccan inspired rites and stick to rites, rituals and festivities performed by and for folks who employ the Reconstructionist methodology. In other words, a lot of my interaction will be on a person-person level, and I won't be participating in holidays like Beltane, Samhain, or Mabon (unless they are conducted by a Celtic Recon of course!). The internet flame wars get real ridiculous real fast and in person I find that most Pagans use terminology and have viewpoints that really are against the grain for me (again, going back to the fact that we aren't the same faith, but separate and distinct ones). So I hope to make some events and bring a Hellenic presence to these events, but I won't be attending Circles any longer.
I'm getting deeper into my own faith and realizing that I do need to discard some things and pursue others. I think that is okay, fine, and necessary. I need to get my ass in gear for Xenia and I need the feelings of loneliness to drive me to develop it further I think. I think this is for the best, and I think this is good, though it doesn't mean that I won't miss these things.
|Deer Cave by loupiote on flickr|